I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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