don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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