Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
