Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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