Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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