i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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