If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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