You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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