Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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