Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
