I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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