Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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