I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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