I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
