She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
