you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize