im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
smell my finger.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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