you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sext me about skeletons
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
