I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
