yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
