eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
