I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
