textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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