I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize