I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize