my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
