Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
