I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
