if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
