He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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