everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
