I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
