porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
