hotel room ftw
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize