VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
