i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
