I just threw up on my dentist
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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