No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
