I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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