There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
