I can't breathe out the right side of my face
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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