Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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