Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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