i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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