Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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