I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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