he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
