i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
