you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
