I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
