Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I could make wine with my vomit
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
