we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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