It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
