I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
did i just pee glitter
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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