That's intense
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
