I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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