Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Randomize
