i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They took my balls.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
