Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
