In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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