you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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