i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
