wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
