you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
