I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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