Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize