she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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