Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
