Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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