Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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