Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
