the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
