I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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