btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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