you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The adults are the big ones right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
