ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
