But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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