Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize